Gasping is for Pussys

I could actually feel the heat leaving my body

It was spiraling away into the night sky

All of my love and emotion left to weave between stars

The blades of grass softly caress my body

their touch embodying the emptiness of their stalks

My eyes stare into the moon's countenance

Searching for depth amongst the voided craters

The only soul barely cohesive surrounded by thick nothingness

A single tear escapes the iron clad lids

A tear that rolls down the hills of bone to free fall into peace

Deprivation of the soul

The only sounds he could hear came from his own footsteps

His mind bucked like a horse whose master lost the reigns

He strove to control the grains of life that slipped from his grasp

He knew he would never stop until that warm light was inside him again

His breath shuddered as he walked away feeling fulfilled

Yet with every step vapors of contentment were left behind

Leaving a revealed tortured child rocking in a corner

Each step whispered the pain inside

The truth apparent with successive exhales

that blended into the cloud of self hatred that would never leave him

My midnight fantasy

You will never understand the reason my eyebrow raises when you speak

I have longed forever that you would notice the signs

Maybe I should have notice their subtlety eludes even myself

You have nothing I desire but being near you I can't breathe

I no longer love you, sometimes I wonder if I ever did

You are simply the ghost the slips into my mind at 4 in the morning

I am content with you being my best friend for a few hours a month

Except when I read you and my heart reaches out of my chest to find you

Deep penetration :)

So everything in my life has seemed to be an extreme. Something happens and it is the best possible outcome or the worst. For example, a month ago my stomach feels upset and before I know it I am under the knife. I apply for RA and make it through everything to be hired. I just feel like I could really stand for some neutrality. If life were to kinda just happen for a week or two and not really make a blip on the radar I think I could refresh and prepare for the shit storm. For one of the first times in my life I am extremely excited for summer. I have made several friends up here and everything, but I still feel closer to anyone else from memphis. Sometimes I wonder if the relationships I have made with people in memphis are unique and would nor could happen with anyone else. Have we simply clicked on a deeper level where we can do anything and know the other will not give a shit how ridiculous it is. I miss being able to run up to someone and jump into their arms, not having to care about perceptions. Even stone cold Takari accepts my hugs with only a roll of his eyes. Everyone always says that your deepest friendships are made in college, but I am struggling to find many that would be able to open with me like I desire to do with them. While this is all true, I still feel remotely close to people here. I have lived with them for a year and all. Sometimes I wish everyone I knew went to school together and I had twenty roommates who all slept on top of each other, drank themselves to sleep, and woke up with the same smile inside for the day to come.

If only you could have waited two more minutes

My dead car would have made it on time

My slow feet would have pounded the ground hard enough

My gas pedal would have pushed down that far

My key would have unlocked your door with just enough tries

My hands would have dialed the phone number with the right speed

My brain would have known the correct number of breaths

My mouth would have told them all they needed to know

My wrists would have another color splashed

How many must die?

I tried to become the paint on the wall that night

To simply fade into the background and go unnoticed

I had tried to make it all happen that night

To open myself, unprotected, to show you myself

I never wanted it to happen as it did that night

To make us wait, shaking, under the next full moon

I wanted to salvage life under the moon that night

To put pieces together and protect the unforeseen

I tried to be a hero for two that night

To stop what you wanted and shine for both

I lost the battle and the war that night

To save three souls that were lost among the stars

I think I would have been better as an ecru eggshell