How many must die?

I tried to become the paint on the wall that night

To simply fade into the background and go unnoticed

I had tried to make it all happen that night

To open myself, unprotected, to show you myself

I never wanted it to happen as it did that night

To make us wait, shaking, under the next full moon

I wanted to salvage life under the moon that night

To put pieces together and protect the unforeseen

I tried to be a hero for two that night

To stop what you wanted and shine for both

I lost the battle and the war that night

To save three souls that were lost among the stars

I think I would have been better as an ecru eggshell

Noxious Compromise

You promise to drain the pressure from the swelling

Enticing with such flagrant beauty and fragrant bouquet

I can stay in love with my sorrow with your veil

The emptiness will never be shown through the rush

The flooding of sensory exposure makes everything good

I don't even want to let it go when it feels so right

Stumbling in a maze of fog with rose colored glasses

You make the crumbling foundation of my life blissful

Nothing is worse than not feeling a thing

When the sun goes down and I wake up and your not around

It feels like you were never here, merely a shadow

All happiness seems hollow and heavy rain is falling

The sun only comes out to welcome the next disaster

If only I ever realized the disaster presence

But I simply sit in the corner tasting the wisps provided

With the penultimate calamity no end is in sight

But in the eleventh hour the horror is revealed

The rot has set in and salvation is merely a good intention

Masque of the Silent Death

Stares cannot pierce the iron-clad facade she is all-too-experienced at producing
She is drowning inside and the gasps heard are smiles and waves
Her lungs fill with sewage and the scent is of shampoo
She is being repeated thrust under just after resurfacing and all seen is reading
She won't survive much longer even though from the look of things, her future is bright
It simply is not bright enough to shine through the darkness of the present
Can anybody see that she is a casualty of your system
The problem is no one ever really did see her.

Shades of prostitution

You can do nothing but open your legs

I stare into your eyes, searching the depths

The more I look, the less I see

All that exists is an emptiness

You try and rub it out but it is ingrained in

That sweet smell only lures them in

They stay because of the prompt service

You feel so much pain and won't stop it

I want to hold you until it stops

I am afraid that I do not have that much time

Creek

The sun glints in the ripples of the water
I let my feet hang in and the fish nibble on my toes
The breeze weaves itself into my hair
The sunlight seeps into my skin like a solar ointment
I stare into the depths of the river
Seeing the tendrils of flora wave against mossy boulders
The verdant frogs stroking through their mighty waves
Two fish circling each other in a loving fashion
This is my home, my sanctuary
Where the sun caresses me awake every morning
and the stars tuck me into dark skies every night

A Lost World

A vast land with endless possibilities surrounded by evil tyrants

We had a love that could never be severed

But the tyrants decided to prove us wrong

True, you were never perfect, you had your problems

But you were mine, your imperfection and problems were my relish

I could spend endless days with nothing but you and our tribes

Battling against outside invaders

The tyrants were simply too much, threatening my food and water

Our bond was one that could be severed by none but death

Grievously, the tyrants had my life in their grasp

Based solely on your tumultuous history, condemning you

I never wanted another but had no choice when you were banished

When you came around I got such a high

I had no choice but to go into withdrawal from your essence

You hated the pills you had to take but you were my pill

I loved every minute of treatment

With one simple leap I was at your fort

I had arrived at the place you existed

The place that I could never be

Where the tyrants deemed beneath

Years after you were banished I still think of you

You and your spirit and your needs

If only we were older, if only it were a different time and place

If only I could find and shoot that damn woodpecker to make this reality

Then we could rule our forgotten kingdom

Together, as one, never apart

But the woodpecker is fictitious

Our reunion is impossible

Together, forever, is quixotic

Even if we were to see each other

You would never remember our ideals

You wouldn't care of the battles we fought

The dangers we survived

The difficulties we surmounted

You have probably gone and found another

I will never be able to fully find replacement

You may not continue in the forefront of my conscious

But you will never leave my entity

In my mind we will still always love each other

If I ever saw you again I may not say anything

I could not go acknowledge your presence

But if you ever came to me again

I would take you in my arms

We would again go to our castle

We could rule and love

But that flash we end as soon as the second did

Because you never would see me

But I will still escape to our land every now and then

And I will lie next to you and hold you under the stars

I know that we could be so amazing

Do you realize I was born to make you happy?

Ignoring hand-me-down cliches, I should belong to you

I know your soul and have felt it against my own

I am simply too close for you to notice me

Our banter is not argumentation, it is chemistry

My feelings would take you to the edge of belief

Anytime I try to be cute I feel you see immaturity

Anytime I try to be desirable, you see douchebaggery

Will it ever happen or should I give up?

Everything would just be simpler if you initiated the reaction

Have I already missed the train or should I plunge?

Just please don't call me Brett Favre

I had given up completely
Love was not something I would ever be able to attain
One night stands with introductions pushes the envelope
Call me jaded, call me faithless, my heart just wasn't made for trauma
Now after just one braze from your glance has me gasping
It is all I can do not to grab a fistful of your hair and inhale it
Are you just hurting to be thrown against the wall in fervor?
Now I am begging just to be brushed by your shoulder
All I ask it that it not be your turn to not know my name

Another word and I'm gone

I'm just so sick of your bullshit
The gaping hole in my back simply will not do
The only reason I am even here is to update you
Just sit down in that grave you dug
All those days I thought I couldn't live without you
I now realize that you were just using me as leverage
You wanted to cookie jar and I sure am tall
Don't think you got to me, I was fully aware
You could have had it all
Now if you would just leave me alone

Since you dared

You really should not have done that
Now I have no other choice
I am going to rain on your parade
I'm not talking about drops
Get ready for the deluge
And I will keep the revenge precipitating
Run as you might
My cloud will find you
You really should not have done that

Hungover

I feel like not moving every again. Just keep this shuffling soundtrack and dark surroundings for a long while. Sometimes Im convinced the tentacles come out of the ground and mentally keep me from doing things. What the hell is wrong with me. Normal people arent so easily led astray into nothingness. I need someone to follow behind me and slap me awake sometimes. All times really. I hope I am able to escape from life tonight. Just for the evening. Maybe not even remember what happens. Just let the night slip away and go straight from dinner to the next morning. I am so glad I don't get hangovers. Or at least not from the alcohol.

Old Enough

The mask.

She put it on every time.

The yelling would begin and things would start breaking.

These were the moments he wished he were dead.

He would peer around the corner, to see that face.

The real suffering instantly covered with it.

"It is ok, honey, I just tripped."

But I knew his mother was too careful for that.

Lying in bed, sinking into the sheets.

He clutched to me, begging me to make it stop.

I pray, embodying all that remains of his innocence.

He hears the thud and anguished cry.

His eyes are squeezed shut, but I look over.

She is over him heaving sob after bloody sob.

"You did this, you did this"

The whispers were lost in the wind.

I still sit in the corner, next to the sardonic smirks

hearing he is till not old enough to live.

hardy vapor

"Am I that unimportant, am I so insignificant?"
The cottage is not seen on the city skyline.
Does it belong amongst such titans?
Fierce competition swirls among facades
Elusive luxury is displayed forefront
yet does not bleed in the rain
can the cottage remain at all
or does the zoning committee have other plans in mind
no it can't compete with fantasy
but it does stand when the sun goes down

Collapsed in the Shower

"Work for me 'today', please?"

Endless requests do not fix deep rooted problems

I only have time for a first and maybe second try

Running on the second try no time to turn back

Though it has started out all wrong it is all I have

Simply wishing it to be better just doesn't cut it anymore

Ignorance may be bliss but it isn't practical.

Where would you wake up

Stirring underneath the sheets, waking up

Underneath. the

bridge during the winter months

so far in the past the world

wasn't quite formed, yet nor am I

so fond of the warmth, or the cold,

satisfies the only thing that matters:

is that when I wake up I'm in your

eyes.

Music Thursday, even though it is friday

SO BLACK EYED PEAS ARE NO LONGER NUMBER ONE!!!!!!!!! Not only are they not numero uno, they dropped all the way down to 5, the biggest drop from number one since 2008 when viva la vida dropped to 6. So of course you're wondering who the new number one is, well it is Down by jay sean feat lil wayne. It is a very catchy song that I enjoy. Every other song below I gotta feeling moved up a spot. One of my favorites, Paparazzi, increased its peak from 7 to 6. I really hope it goes even higher. New artist Owl City's first first single Fireflies is doing quite well having jumped all the way up to eleven, I think that it was ok at first but the replay value is minimal in my opinion. The style is sort of techno but with a Relient K flair. Cowboy Casanova is probably my favorite song this week, I know it is country and every part of my being abhors country, but this song has a driving guitar in the back ground giving it a rock flair and such infectious vocals provided by the very talented Carrie Underwood. It did dip from 11 to 14 but the main reason is the lack of airplay due to the recent release, but I think it is likely for it to build up in subsequent weeks. Sweet Dreams by Beyonce is a really good song with a sexy music video which peaked up at 12 this week. It is likely to be a big hit for her, just like pretty much every single of her Sasha Fierce CD. Shakira's She Wolf falls four to 17 after holding the 11ish spots for several weeks. Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone continues to steadily climb the charts as it has every single week, now at 23. It is one of my favorite songs by her and the link for it is in last weeks blog. Glee dots the chart in four spots this week, the highest being 28 with a cover of Queen's Somebody to Love. For anyone who loves music I highly suggest this TV show as it would be just for you. Black eyed peas newest single, Meet Me Halfway leaps up the chart again 15 spots to 32. It was considered that the single might have been the replacement for number one again, but it did not make it in time. I personally don't think it will make it to number one but I think it is a surefire top ten hit. Sexy Bitch, or Sexy Chick as Billboard labels it, jumps 11 to 34 this week. Never Say Never by The Fray, in my opinion their best song to date, has only peaked at 32 which surprises me seeing the success of the previous single, You Found Me. It has been out for several several weeks and I think it deserves better. Another song I said to watch out for in my last blog was Evacuate the Dancefloor by Cascada. It goes up 4 to 42. Doesn't Mean Anything by Alicia Keys was another song I mentioned last week and it drops four from its debut to 65. Please go buy this song, it is so good and deserves number one. Starstrukk by 3OH!3 featuring Katy Perry is up 4 to 69. This version is just so good and it is really nice to here some new Katy Perry. In an interview with 3OH!3 they had nothing but praise for Perry towards her attitude and talent. Funhouse, P!nk's newest single makes a huge bound from its debut 97 to 74, can I call 'em or what? The music video is very playful and as the lyrics suggest has evil clowns provided by her band members in costumes. Paramore has a single debut to go along with their new CD, of which I will discuss further in a minute, at 78, Careful. I'm curious to see how it does, though I am going to be safe and not make any conjectures. Kris Allen's first non-American-Idol single debuts this week at 89, Live Like We're Dying. Honestly I am so sick of songs with this subject and I find it very forgettable, this is coming from a big fan of his. The last notable thing is the Train has its first appearance on the chart since 2004 with Hey, Soul Sister debuting at 98. OK, moving on the the Billboard 2oo hundred CD chart, I usually don't mention it, but something interesting happened this week. All projections were that either Paramore's or Mariah Carey's would top the chart. But no neither did, Paramore got two and Mariah got 3. The number one, Barbara Striesand, the person who holds the most number ones on the billboard 200 and now holds the record for even more. The forecasts did not take into account the many non-digital methods that Striesand fans used. Well that is the music update, see if you can guess who will be number one, will it be Miley's first with Party in the USA, Jay Sean will hold the position, or will a surprise candidate take the top? Put in the comment section you prediction.

Procrastination

So I am supposed to be working on the bio lab report that I have to turn in in five hours, meaning i have less than four hours to finish and get any sleep. I decided to make the most logical choice and listen to Adele's Hometown Glory and make a blog post. Well I have been recently searching for a large purpose for my life, because that is the kinda cool stuff I do in my spare time. Working and making money just isn't enough to cut it for me. Sometimes I just feel so outcast in a world of power-hungry individuals who seem to have no compassion or caring about the valuable things in life, such as life itself, love, internal progress, selflessness, generosity, concern, or expressing opinions. Apathy is so prevalent in our culture, to such a degree that something has to be to blame. Work ethic in our generation is suffering tremendously. In addition people can so easily pass a suffering person with no thought but how they were inconvenienced by the other's presence. People are so easily corrupted anymore. Waving a few dollar bills or a simple threat is enough to persuade most. I think that people should all view their own life as less than everyone else's. Not in such a way as to complain but that giving would be second nature and not a contemplated act. Anyway, I really miss my nieces and nephews and really want to see them very badly. My siblings rank right up there as well. I miss children so much. The have such a simplistic world view that keeps me grounded. When the most crucial moment of their day is eating and playing, not their parents' next paycheck. They are able to fully trust in a higher power, a feat that I struggle with. Back to my future, is it such a crime to desire to never have power or be important? Everyone always says that you should be a leader in your field and drive off your competition by one-uping them. I just want to be functional, helpful and there. Well I really do need to go work on my biology, I just felt like writing a bit. Love you. :)

Parties

So I have been to a party both last weekend and this weekend. Last weekend I had a bit to drink -cough, cough- and this week I just left. I haven't completely decided my attitude toward them. My initial reaction is why go to a "party" if you don't plan on using things. By for some reason some of my friends find enjoyment out of it. So today I just wasn't feeling very well so I turned to the cigarettes again. I really feel bad about it but they are the most socially acceptable / legal form of a pick me up that I have access to here. I smoked more than I ever had at the same time, 5, tonight. I was totally buzzing off of it. I am worried that I might be getting addicted, but I really can't afford that right now. Other than that I have been reading the Maximum Ride series and any of you reading who have free time should definitely get them. They are quite enjoyable. Oh something that I do to lighten my day is to analyze everytime someone says fucking as an adjective. Think of what they say as actually fucking instead of simple vulgarity. So for example if some one says fucking door, you know they are locking and unlocking that door all night long. Yeah well it is kinda late so imma go to bed. ttyl love ya

Revitalization

Wow, sorry readers if you actually were paying any attention to this, but I kinda forgot about this little thing. Thanks to Johnnie it is back. As all of you should know my real love in music is pop and very specifically dance music. So my favorite songs that I am listening to start with Evacuate the Dancefloor. This song is by Cascada, the German band who brought Everytime We Touch into the music world. This new hit has a thriving beat with xylophone in the background before the chorus that gives the tune originality. The driving beat brings the lyrics to life. Some rapper has his own bridge time which is kinda forgettable and not very special but overall it is a very addicting song. The next is Britney's newest single, which everyone knows I must love. 3 is a very blatantly sexual song about threesomes that is simply viral. The staccato delivery by Spears is infectiously enough to get anyone on the dancefloor, a surefire number one on the dance club billboard chart. Just as with I Kissed A Girl, Britney brings a taboo topic and makes it a pop song. This gives the listeners that lack extreme morals feeling a twinge of naughty with a lot of "ooooo...." The bridge has an indie pop feel that is a bit different that Britney's past ventures. All the way up to the ending suggestion of adding a fourth partner to the "counting" fest, Spears gives her unmistakable, seductive charm that draws in anyone with an open ear. Drifting away from the dance scene, Alicia Keys' new single that debuted on the billboard charts at 61 today, Doesn't Mean Anything, has Keys' unmistakable sound and piano backing that deliver an emotional ballad about how having everything is nothing if you don't have anyone to share it with. I picture as the perfect song to be playing when that moment in a romantic comedy when the main character realizes that they cannot live without that person they have avoided the entire movie. Speaking of Alicia Keys, her feature in Jay-Z's new song, Empire State of Mind, has her at her best. Kelly Clarkson continues to climb the charts with Already Gone, I linked a live performance because I just loved it so much, not to say the music video isn't really good. Other emerging songs that I am keeping my eye on are Pink's Funhouse, Leona Lewis' Happy, BEP's Meet Me Halfway, 3OH!3 feat. KATY PERRY Starstrukk (the version that is the official single is with katy perry and it is worth revisiting even if you are tired of the original), Sexy Bitch by Akon feat David Guetta, Cowboy Casanova by Carrie Underwood (Ya'll should know I am not a country fan, but it jumped from 96 to 11 in one week so it must have something), and Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus (I am the first to make fun of her but this song is actually good and I know it has already done a lot and isn't really new but w/e). Sorry I know I am going on for a while but I am just trying to get everything caught up. On a personal note, Resident Evil was on in the lobby tonight and they are one of my favorite movie so of course I was there, but it really wasn't the same without the math team, especially Ms. Conley. :( Alice is one bamfing bitch. I found out that I got an "A" on my first physics class, shout out to Mr. Bourie, heaven knows I would not have gotten that without his training. Ms. Connell's training will be put to the test when I get my comp sci test back prob next week, and I am sure that that one will be good, especially if I did well on my physics. College is really treating me well, I never left the building today and only left my room twice cuz I didn't feel like going to class. It is so wonderful. I did take a shower for all who are wondering. I have met so many great people here especially my roommates. Well I know only like one person will have read this far so I will just make another post later to keep this one from growing too much. Love you all and thanks for taking the time to read this. Oh before I go leave a comment of either one of your favorite new songs that I didn't mention or which you found that you want to add to your new faves. TTYL.

A solid month

Sorry i have been so late updating this but ap exams have been quite overwhelming. Elizabeth, a.k.a bitch hoe whore, beelzabeth, is over here all getting in my grill. tbc